Ask an Educator: Size Matters

23 Mar

Q: How do you make a woman have a orgasm when you’re not well endowed?

A: Here’s is a question we get a lot and honestly it’s no wonder that we do: there are hundreds of magazines and websites constantly talking about penis size, most of mainstream porn fetishizes large penises, and we’ve all gotten unwanted spam emails shouting at us in all caps about the secret to penis enlargement. In a society that has a lot to answer for in terms of body shaming, penis size is near the top of the list of things that everyone has an opinion on. But here’s the thing: penis size isn’t the end all, be all of sexual pleasure. Who wants to guess what is?

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None of us are mind readers (that I’m aware of) and expecting to be able to pleasure someone exactly the way that they want just isn’t fair to you or your partner(s). Everyone’s body is unique and everyone experiences pleasure in a different way. So what is the best way to pleasure your partner(s)? Ask them. Seriously! Ask them what feels good, what body parts they like touched and in what way. As humans, we have so many tools for pleasure at our disposal. Yes, genitals alone can certainly be fun, but our hands, tongues, other body parts, and even voice can create so many different sensations that often get ignored in our haste to bump our bits together. So sit down, talk to your partner, and find out what really gets them off.

Additionally, it’s important to remember a bit about anatomy here. If your partner has a vulva, it may be easy to jump right into penetrative sex and forget all about the clitoris; but that would be a huge mistake. Upwards of 75% of clitoris owners note that they need some kind of external stimulation in order to orgasm. In other words, penetration by a penis or other object isn’t always a catalyst for orgasm and that’s ok (remembering that everyone’s body works differently.)

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So what does this mean for you? Well, for starters it means that penis size may have absolutely nothing to do with your ability to pleasure a partner. Perhaps you can engage in some oral sex with your partner to provide clitoral stimulation or one of you could use a hand during penetration to provide some friction. You could also try a vibrating cock ring, a wearable vibe, or a small finger vibe to add in some stimulation. Lube can be really important too because it can help intensify that deliciously smooth sexual friction that can help lead to orgasms and cut down on all of that dry skin friction that isn’t nearly as much fun.

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The biggest thing to remember is that there is nothing wrong with how your or a partner’s body is built. Sex is a journey and an exploration. Check in with your partner, ask them questions, learn their body, and then have fun exploring (with consent, of course!)

7 Unique V-Day Ideas

2 Feb


We know how stressful planning and shopping for V- Day can be, with no shortage of expectations for flawless expressions of love and romance. We also know how good it can feel to be catered to (by a lover or oneself) on a special day. Rather than focusing solely on the gift-giving and receiving practices, the day also gives us the opportunity to re-envision or grow in love.

Short on ideas? Check out our (updated) list below for a collection of naughty, erotic, and sensual Valentine’s ideas and products to make this Valentine’s day exciting. We’ll include options perfect for any orientation or relationship status. So without further ado, here are some of our suggestions for making this year’s day of love an exciting one.
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2017’s 7 Top Sellers

12 Jan

2018 is here! While many are still in the midst of reflecting back on the good, the awful, and the confusing that got us to this moment, we want to take time to show some gratitude to 7 top selling products that brought us pleasure in 2017. So in no particular order:

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12 Gifts of Pleasure: Holiday Gift Guide 2017

27 Nov

The gift giving season is upon us! For those who need a little support in deciding what to get their loved ones, we gotchu! Carol along with us as we provide some gift-spiration in our 2017 Holiday Gift Guide. Shall we begin?

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3 Facts For Breast Cancer Awareness

18 Oct

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It would be remiss of us to not support the fight against breast cancer by raising awareness about this sometimes deadly and emotionally devastating disease. So here it is: 3 facts to help increase breast cancer awareness.

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Malin James

Erotica. Sex. Culture.

The Romance Evangelist

I live for the HFN/HEA and am decidedly pro-epilogue

Courtesan Press

Elegant Erotica & Romance For the Modern Woman

.Charlie Glickman

Explore Your Sexuality - A healthy part of life.

Ashley's Blog

Explore Your Sexuality - A healthy part of life.

Rad Sex

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The Redhead Bedhead

Sex, Mental Health, & How None Of Us Are Broken

Hey Epiphora

Where sex toys go to be judged

Frisky Feminist Press

Explore Your Sexuality - A healthy part of life.