Valentine’s Day & Beyond: Oral Sex Skills

31 Jan


Valentine’s Day can inspire adventure, passion and reconnection in the bedroom. Whether you’ve been with your Valentine’s day babe for one night or one thousand nights, bringing something a little different to the bedroom is important. When we think about spicing things up in our sex lives, we can easily find ourselves down a rabbit hole of trying to learn how to do bondage, googling how to have painless anal and even thinking about threesomes. All of these are incredibly hot ways to bring something a little different to the bedroom – but let’s start with the staples of oral sex. Your oral sex game can always get better, and here are a few simple ways to surprise your Valentine with upgraded oral sex skills:


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More Pleasure, More Power: New Year, New Erotic Possibilities!

28 Jan

More Pleasure, more power

More Pleasure, More Power

New year, new erotic possibilities! Pursuing more pleasure in your sex life can help you expand your confidence, your creativity and your communication both in and out of the bedroom. When you start to explore what feels good, what feels not so good and what feels even better – you can often discover a new way to get turned on! Exploring new erotic possibilities gives you the chance to play, to be curious and to expand sex beyond the pursuit of orgasms. Whether you want to get kinky, or you want to build more confidence in the bedroom, or you simply want to be more present in your body during sex – here are some ways to empower your sex life and have more pleasure:

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Ask A Sex Educator: Prostate Toys

24 Sep

Ask A Sex Educator_ Prostate Toy

Question: How do I choose a prostate sex toy?


There are lots of different toys designed to maximize reaching and pleasuring P-spots (and G-spots!) so it can be tough to know where to get started. Prostate pleasure begins with some understanding of anatomy, brings in some exploration of prostate sensations and can involve prostate sex toys

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Ask A Sex Educator: Anal and Coconut Oil

23 Jul


Ask A Sex Educator_ Coconut Oil

Question: Is coconut oil a good lube for anal?

Lots of people are attracted to coconut oil as a lubricant for sex because it’s natural, long-lasting and some people enjoy the smell. Coconut oil has it’s pros and cons for sex depending on how you’re using it and there are other options for lubricants that bring slippery joy to anal sex!


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4 Ways to Be a Better Monogamist from a Polyamorist

17 Jun

As a person who loves and has romantic relationships with multiple people at once, monogamy is not the best choice for me. However it is a valid choice that works well for many others. With images of my favorite monogamous couple and fusion Garnet, I give 4 tips on how to be better at monogamy. (If you haven’t already, go watch Cartoon Network’s Steven Universe and see all of Garnet’s monogamous badassery.)

1. Choose monogamy.

Like really choose monogamy. Be with your person and only your person. Don’t be compulsory about it. Don’t settle for it because it seems easier. Don’t do it because you’re out of options. And most importantly, don’t go along with it when it’s something you actually cannot do. Remember there are other options if monogamy isn’t for you.

2. Co-define what monogamy means for you and your partner.

In other words, create and understand the boundaries of your relationship. Do not let convention decide for you and don’t let unnamed expectations decide either. Be proactive. Does monogamy allude only to sexual exclusivity but flirting with others is okay? Can you and your partner dance with other people? Patronize sex workers? Share emotional intimacy with others outside of your dyad? Cuddle with your friends? You two decide. It doesn’t have to look like what everyone else is doing but it does have to work for both you and your partner.

3. Know how to navigate conflict.

Are you familiar with the ideal conflict cycle? First you and your partner are on the same page, then something (usually uncomfortable) happens that causes you to be on different pages. The offended party must speak up and say “hey this thing happened; it didn’t feel good; we are no longer on the same page.” The offending party acknowledges what has happened and apologizes. You both take steps to get back on the same page. And BOOM you two are back at the start of the cycle. Of course this is easier said than done. Hence it being the ideal conflict cycle. Pettiness, defensiveness, triggers, and other emotional forms of our human baggage get in the way. Familiarize yourself with the ideal conflict cycle. Practice it with the small stuff so that it becomes easier when things really get bristly between you and your beloved. And while you’re at it, learn the three Cs: compromise, concession, counsel. These get a bad rep but when used with care and without coercion can improve the health and resilience of your relationship.

4. Remember there’s no space for indifference.

Relationships can be difficult. No one deserves indifference. One of my favorite definitions of love comes from Designer Relationships by Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson. According to the authors love is profound interest, while indifference is its opposite. Pay attention and stay curious about each other. There are so many fun and pleasurable things to discover about each other. When you are indifferent, you miss out.

And with that I’ll leave you with Garnet’s wise words. Apply them to your relationship.

Malin James

Erotica. Sex. Culture.

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