Communicate Your Way to Great Sex

16 Apr

tin cansCommunication is one of the keys to a great sex life but unfortunately we tend to do so little of it. I can’t tell you how often I have workshop attendees tell me that they only talk about sex right before or right after they have it!  And while Cosmo would have us believe that is enough,  I strongly encourage everyone to set aside some outside the bedroom time to talk to their partner(s) about what’s going on in their sex life. Why? Well, talking about our sex lives while we are actually having sex doesn’t give us the space to have an in depth conversation about what we want, what we need, what’s going right, what’s going wrong, etc. because, quite frankly, we are busy doing other things! Does that kind of conversation sound tedious to you? It needn’t be.

 wheres your line?One of my favorite tools for communication is the “Yes, No, Maybe” list. This type of list originates in the BDSM community and is simple and fun to fill out. Here’s the rundown on how it works. You and your partner(s) get together and make a list of all the sexual activities you can think of … yup, all of them! Then you take that list and separately fill out the chart – putting all of the activities you would like to do in your “Yes” column, all of the activities that you may want to try or are curious about in the “Maybe” column and, you guessed it, all of the activities you aren’t interested in go in your “No” column. When you are finished with your list, you and your partner(s) get back together and compare notes. The reason I like the “Yes, No, Maybe” list so much is because it’s easy to do and it literally gives you a list of fun sexy time things you can do with you partner(s)! Everyone always says they wish their partner came with a guide book – well here you go. You’re welcome!  It’s also a great way to open up about some desires you may have that you never really thought of talking about before. So go grab your partner(s), a coffee and some time and get what you really want out of your sex life!

Want to try the “Yes, No, Maybe” list for yourself? Here is a link to a very thorough one that you can print out.

– SP Education Coordinator Gwen


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3 Responses to “Communicate Your Way to Great Sex”


  1. Fifty Shades of Fantasy | Secret Pleasures Boutique - January 19, 2015

    […] with some fun new toys and your imagination is running wild with possibilities.  Play, have (consensual!!!) fun, and discover new things this Valentine’s Day. Happy […]


  2. Ask An Educator: Trying Something New | Secret Pleasures Boutique - February 23, 2015

    […] Communication, patience, and understanding is the key here. Explain to your husband how much this means to you and see if can come to an agreement for how to proceed. If none of these ideas work, couples therapy might be the way to go. But no matter what, don’t ever think your desires are unimportant or silly. Everyone deserves to have a fulfilling sex life and hopefully these tools will help get you there. […]


  3. Ask An Educator: Spicing Up Your Sex Life | Secret Pleasures Boutique - July 8, 2015

    […] we want to invite them to try with us. One of my favourite resources here at the store are these fabulous lists of possible sexual activities that individuals and partners can use to mark whether they like the […]


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