Don’t Ask. No, Really … Don’t Ask.

15 Aug

what do you doI work at a body positive sex store. For all intents and purposes, I have one of the greatest jobs in the world! Seriously, working at a really great sex shop is like going to Disney without that part where you meet Tigger and he accidentally knocks you over a rail into a bush … or maybe I’m the only one that ever happened to?! In all seriousness, everyone I work with loves their job. We help people improve their lives and feel great and I can’t think of anything better than that.

We are often asked what our jobs are like. Our job is fascinating to so many people because we get to talk about sex all day … well a lot of people talk about sex all day but we get paid for it! Over the years, customers have asked us if we ever get embarrassed or shocked by a question (not often – we’ve pretty much heard it all at this point), if you have to be trained to do our job (yes, our staff takes sex education very seriously and continuously goes through professional development), and if we ever just goof off in the shop (yes, vibrator races have been known to happen). However, something interesting happened a few weeks ago that got us thinking. We had a customer ask us if we ever get questions that we wish people would stop asking! And the answer to that? A resounding YES! Everyone on staff has a question or two (or twelve) that they wish people would stop asking so we have compiled a list of questions that come up most frequently. Enjoy!

1. Do you guys sell poppers / video head cleaner / cream chargers / Jungle Juice?poppers

Nope. No, really, we don’t. Aside from the questionable legality of selling them, the damage they can do to your body is astronomical. Some of the less serious side effects are migraines, dizziness and chemical burns. Yes, I listed chemical burns as less serious because, compared to the possible drop in blood pressure, loss of internal organs due to decreased oxygen flow and DEATH, chemical burns seem like a walk in the park!

     1a. Do you know where I can by them?

     Nope. And even if we did, we likely wouldn’t tell you. Why? See above!

man behind the curtain 2.  What’s in your backroom? *insert eyebrow wiggle / wink / sly chuckle here*

 The short answer? Our refrigerator. We have a kitchen in our back room that allows our staff to indulge in our second favorite pastime – eating! Seriously  though, I know that some old school porn shops have viewing booths and what have you in a back room behind a curtain. We don’t. We never have.  Arguing with us about what you really think is back there isn’t going to make one magically appear.


red light3. Do you offer other “services? Do you do house calls

We have a lot of respect for sex workers of all kinds and think that they are absolutely amazing! That being said, we are not sex workers. We are sex educators who work in a retail shop. RETAIL being the operative word here. We do not provide BJs, discipline sessions or any other type of sexual service in a back room, nor will we come to your house or a hotel to do so either. To ask us this is incredibly disrespectful and rude and we will kick you out of the store / hang up on you. You wouldn’t say this to your barista at Starbucks or the cashier at Macy’s. Just because we work in an adult boutique doesn’t mean you should ask us either! There are wonderful, incredibly skilled people who do provide those types of services but that is not what we do here.

 beeker wat? 3a. Will you use this toy on me?  

     No.  Just … no.


  define normal  4. Do you get a lot of “weird” people / questions? 

We aren’t even sure what this question is really asking. Weird in comparison to what? Everyone who walks through our door is a unique individual with their own personal desires and their own particular questions. We don’t see any person or question as “weird” because what is “weird” to one person is normal to another. We really try hard to provide honest advice to everyone without judgement. How hurtful and discouraging would it be if we categorized people or questions as being normal or “weird”? It takes a lot of courage for many people to just walk through our door and talk to us – we would never want to add an additional layer of worry by making people think that we label them.

question mark5. What does everyone else get?

This is the question we hear most often. We totally get it – buying a sex toy can be scary. Any time you are putting your sexuality out in the open, you worry that you may be judged or made fun of. So, as a defensive mechanism, people ask for what’s popular or for what other people get so that they can appear “normal”. However, you are only doing yourself a disservice by buying the same toy as everyone else. Sex toys are not “one size fits all” and there is no “normal” or “abnormal”. Your body is unique and how you experience pleasure and what type of sensations you like are specific to you. What works for one person may not be what you need. Our job is to help guide you to the perfect toy – not for everyone but for you specifically. So don’t worry about getting what’s popular and worry more about getting what will make you feel good!

     5a. Have you / your co-workers used this?

     Much like the question above, we totally get why this is asked. We are the experts on these toys and you want to know if        we have used them and what we thought about them. Yes, chances are someone in the store has the toy you are  asking        about but, as with the above scenario, what works for us may not work for you.

So there you have it, some of the questions we get on the regular that we sort of wish would go away *. Our job here at Secret Pleasures Boutique is to help you find a product to make you feel good or to help you on your journey of sexual discovery. We aren’t here to judge you or criticize you so bring us your sex ed questions and lets see what we can learn together!


* What are some of the questions that we love getting?

“I’ve never masturbated before. Can you help me pick out a toy?” (Yes! It’s an honor to help someone on the road to self pleasure)

“I want to spice things up. Can you help me find a toy to use with my partner.” (Sure!)

chocolate chip cookies“I want to bring you guys cookies. What kind do you like?” (CHOCOLATE CHIP!) … Ok, maybe no one asks us that last question but chocolate chip cookies do make us super happy!

One Response to “Don’t Ask. No, Really … Don’t Ask.”


  1. Don’t Ask. No, Really… V2.0! | Secret Pleasures Boutique - March 18, 2014

    […] few months ago, we published a blog of the most common questions that we are asked that we, quite frankly, wish would stop. The blog […]


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