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Ask an Educator: Size Matters

23 Mar

Q: How do you make a woman have a orgasm when you’re not well endowed?

A: Here’s is a question we get a lot and honestly it’s no wonder that we do: there are hundreds of magazines and websites constantly talking about penis size, most of mainstream porn fetishizes large penises, and we’ve all gotten unwanted spam emails shouting at us in all caps about the secret to penis enlargement. In a society that has a lot to answer for in terms of body shaming, penis size is near the top of the list of things that everyone has an opinion on. But here’s the thing: penis size isn’t the end all, be all of sexual pleasure. Who wants to guess what is?

Image result for penis size ruler

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Greater Than, Less Than, Equal To?: Womanizer vs. Satisfyer

30 Aug

The Womanizer is a pretty infamous toy. There’s always some reviewer, some customer, or some random person in the grocery store pining over it or remarking on how great it is. “Best toy ever!” “Guaranteed orgasm.” “Just like oral sex.”

Of course once we started carrying the Satisfyer which claimed to serve a similar function, was waterproof, and $70.00 less with a gender-neutral name, customers had questions. All of them boiled down to whether the Satisfyer was a comparable but affordable option to the Womanizer or just a cheap, mediocre, knock off. Well, we couldn’t know unless we tried it. So here it is.

womanizer vs. satisfyer

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Ask An Educator: Navigating Femme / Femme Relationships

31 Aug

Dr. Ruth Neustifter helps a reader navigate their first femme / femme relationship.

A few years ago I fell in love with an aggressive female. Love making was a breeze because she was the aggressor. She never wanted me to do anything.  I did learn the art of cresting the breast. Since that time, I’ve left that relationship and started a new relationship with a feminine woman. Love making has been more of a challenge, as we are both lesbians who have been only with aggressive women. I’ve tried the strap on with her and loved it; however, I am uncomfortable having her to try it on me. Any suggestions on making love to a feminine woman when you are a feminine too?

welcome Welcome to your first feminine/feminine (or femme/femme?) relationship! I can certainly understand that it might take some adjustment, both in tone and in figuring out what to do. Being femme can come in a lot of forms, and you might find out that you have more than one femme personality between you (or even more for just you)! For example, some feminine women feel very powerful, playful, seductive, silly, glamorous, creative, or initiative in that space. As we know from nonsexual times in our lives, being feminine can be a very active, powerful, fun loving way to be! You may find that you enjoy initiating things in different ways than your aggressive former partners did, once you allow yourself to experiment with different tones and ways of initiating and facilitating play together. After all, being aggressive is just one of many personalities or tones that can get things rolling sexually.

You might also try experimenting with toys, if you have not yet. They can allow for lots of sensual exploring without the same level of physical effort. And don’t forget the lube! Even if you and your partner both get wet easily it can help with nervousness, less wetness due to things like nervousness or seasonal allergy medications, and can reduce friction and over sensitivity.

You might also enjoy watching porn or reading stories to each other that you can follow along with, and adapt as you like. This can be a great way to guide play without either of you having to call the shots. Porn that focuses realistic strap-on sex can also give you ideas for how you might (or might not) like to try that. You might look for queer and female produced porn, such as videos by Pink and White Productions , as they may be more likely to feature strap-on use designed to feel good and not just look good on camera. And it is ok to not like every activity in both directions, or in all ways. Find out how you work best together and enjoy exploring from there!

Ask An Educator: Nervous Top

24 Aug

Dr. Ruth Neustifter gives advice for a nervous top.

I have almost no experience with being a top during sex.  I have tried it, and it never works out, making me feel insecure, inexperienced, embarrassed and terrified to try it again.  Any advice, tips, tricks, must-dos, etc., that could be offered would be so very much appreciated.  Thank you.

on topThis is such an important topic and I’m very glad you asked. First, being a top could mean a lot of things and I hope that I’m guessing right. I’m guessing that you might want to penetrate your partner and also be the more assertive/dominant partner. I’ll do my best to answer for all genders; I hope that you find this helpful. Please let us know if my guesses aren’t helpful here and I’ll try again! Continue reading

Ask An Educator: Owning a Whip

17 Aug

Dr. Ruth Neustifter tackles the question of why someone might own a whip!

So why does a woman have a sex whip? A girl that I was dating said that she had one but had yet to use it.

Why Why wouldn’t a woman (or anyone) have a sex whip? Seriously, though, you’re asking a great question. As the second floor of Secret Pleasures shows, people can enjoy a wide variety of props, tools, and gear that may not seem directly related to genital stimulation in the same way as vibrators and such.

The only way to really know why she bought a sexy whip would be to ask her, but perhaps I can offer a few possibilities why other people come to the store to buy them: Continue reading

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