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Ask An Educator: Being On Top

11 Aug

Dr. Ruth Neustifter is back with another guest addition of “Ask An Educator!”


I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for about three months now and I’ve never been on top. He’s always asking me to try but I afraid I won’t be any good at it.  How do I make sure he is satisfied ? And get over my fear of being a topper for the first time?

 You’ve asked a really important question with lots of valuable points; thank you for sending it in. First off, I want to make sure that you’re interested in being on top. Some people want to try it and others can’t or don’t. Make sure it’s a type of creativity that you’re interested in, and not just something that he wants. If you are interested in exploring, but also nervous then that’s ok. However, I’m a bit concerned that your question only asks about you being skilled (not about him being skilled about being on the bottom), about his satisfaction (not yours), and about your fear. None of that sounds like you’re very happy about this idea, or that you’re pursuing your own pleasure and fantasies here.   Continue reading

Ask An Educator: Spicing Up Your Sex Life

8 Jul

Here with another installment of “Ask An Educator” is our guest educator, Dr. Ruthie!


I am very shy when it comes to spicing up my sex life with my boyfriend. I recently got him to give anal sex a try for me. And we found that that works the best. Now I want to ask him if he could perform oral sex on me. I have given him oral on numerous occasions and he enjoys it. I have never had oral sex performed on me before. How do I go about asking him to try it on me?

spice From the sounds of it you’re already doing a lot of great exploring with your boyfriend! I’m so glad to hear that you’ve already been able to add something you both enjoy. If the two of us were chatting in the store I might ask you how you introduced the topic with him, and what you liked best (and least) about the conversation. I’m guessing that you had (or discovered) some new sexual communication skills then that could be helpful with introducing more new activities. But sometimes just bringing up the topic can feel more scary than the rest of the conversation that comes afterward. It can be really anxiety provoking to not know how our partners will react to the things we want to invite them to try with us. One of my favourite resources here at the store are these fabulous lists of possible sexual activities that individuals and partners can use to mark whether they like the idea, don’t like it, or are unsure. It’s a great way to get all kinds of good ideas, to think about what you might enjoy on your own, and to introduce conversations about it all. Continue reading

Ask An Educator: First Time Bottoming

1 Jul

This is the first in a series of blog posts created for us by our guest educator, Dr. Ruth Neustifter. Stay tuned for more  information from this fantastic educator!


Hello I’m a male and I need some tips for when I first bottom? I’m really nervous about the whole situation and I need some guidance.

gladI’m so glad you’re thinking ahead on your first bottoming experience! Since you’re email is short on details I’m making a few guesses here.  First, I’m guessing that you’re bottoming sexually and that you’re planning to do that by receiving anal sex. This information should be helpful regardless of whether you’re bottoming with a strap-on or with a flesh penis. Secondly, I’m not sure whether this is with someone you know well or not or if you’ll even be communicating with that partner about your date first. I’m going to answer as though you will be able to have some conversations with them first, but I’ll also include some information in case you’re not. Here are some things you might consider! Continue reading

Ask An Educator: Trying Something New

23 Feb

My husband and I are like the ” blind leading the blind” when it comes to sex. I want to try so many different things. Many are outside of our small “sex option box.” I often read erotica novels and dream about being dominated, like many of the leading ladies,  but my husband is prideful with the subject and I am often left unsatisfied and disappointed. Now sex has become something that I shy away from because I already know the ending and that’s frustrating. What do you suggest ?

newGetting stuck in a sexual rut can be incredibly frustrating – especially if one partner wants to try something new and the other partner is reticent. So how do you move forward and create a fulfilling and exciting sex life while still honoring our partner’s feelings? Continue reading

Ask An Educator: Maximizing Male Oral

16 Feb

My partner and I both enjoy giving and receiving oral sex. We can maximize my pleasure with a vibrator, but I’m looking for a way to maximize his pleasure as well. Any suggestion, toys, lubricants that will help me rock his world?

loveWe love getting questions like this because they show us that partners are looking out for each other and seeking ways to make each other feel good! Good for you! We love it when couples seek ways to get even more out of their sex lives. Continue reading

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