Tag Archives: beginner

Ask An Educator: First Time Bottoming

1 Jul

This is the first in a series of blog posts created for us by our guest educator, Dr. Ruth Neustifter. Stay tuned for more  information from this fantastic educator!


Hello I’m a male and I need some tips for when I first bottom? I’m really nervous about the whole situation and I need some guidance.

gladI’m so glad you’re thinking ahead on your first bottoming experience! Since you’re email is short on details I’m making a few guesses here.  First, I’m guessing that you’re bottoming sexually and that you’re planning to do that by receiving anal sex. This information should be helpful regardless of whether you’re bottoming with a strap-on or with a flesh penis. Secondly, I’m not sure whether this is with someone you know well or not or if you’ll even be communicating with that partner about your date first. I’m going to answer as though you will be able to have some conversations with them first, but I’ll also include some information in case you’re not. Here are some things you might consider! Continue reading

Ask An Educator: Discreet First Time Toy

25 Sep

 “I am 19 and a virgin. I love to masturbate and am kind of over rubbing my clit. I want to try a sex toy but don’t know what to get. I also need something discreet because I live at home. HELP!”

tickle your fancyNavigating the world of sex toys can be really difficult, especially if you have never owned one before. There are so many types that it can be difficult to know what to get. From your question, it seems as if you are primarily focusing on clitoral stimulation so a toy like the Tango could be great for you. It’s a discreet external vibrator that looks like lipstick. It has several intensities of vibration which is key because, since you have never used a toy before, you don’t know what kind of vibration your body will best respond to. It also has pulsation modes which vary the pattern of vibration which can be helpful if you find that constant vibration or rubbing of the clitoris makes you a bit numb. The best thing about this toy – it is nearly silent and it’s rechargeable so you can use it without everyone knowing it!

Another thing I would suggest is invest in a good lube like Sliquid Oceanics. You mentioned that you feel like you are “over rubbing” your clit and that can certainly happen if you are masturbating without lube. A good lubricant can entirely change the feel of masturbation (either with a hand or with a toy) and prevent any unwanted friction. If you don’t want the labeled bottle lying around, go to the Container Store and pick out a pretty pump bottle and no one will know what’s in it! 😉

Malin James

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